Week Three

Faith… like the simplest part of Christian faith… right? Haha, not quite.

This week I have been incredibly challenged, and in ways abstract to what was taught in lecture. Our speaker spoke on faith and faith in leadership. Yet as negative response after another flooded my heart and mind I realized- there is some serious breakthrough that I must pursue in regards to my own faith. I needed to do a serious check in with God and open up the places where I had brokeness which caused me not to accept the idea of living with God as sole center.

Many times in a leadership school, people find that they need breakthrough in character development, in spiritual leadership principles, in how to develop their personal ministry. But this week I realized I needed to take a step way back to the basic principle- of following God. And the habitual choice to step into His love and power every day.

Throughout the years I’ve implemented healthy habits into my daily routines. Great. I have also lost them and slipped back into negative ones (quickly). Over time I’ve cultivated many ideas and dreams; and been enabled to imagine life as a blank canvas offering as much beauty as it’s artist decides to paint. I have been saved and understood the love of God… and experienced it in a way that cannot be forgotten or undone. I have stood on high mountain tops (literal and figural) and sank down into deep dark valleys. I have walked away from God, and I have come in close.

The point is, I have accumulated alot. I know I have a ton to offer. I know who I am and the type of person I can become. I have great friends, authentic relationships, deeply cherished experiences, and honorable potential. Still… there’s a decision to make. And unlike before, it appears to not immediately affect my journey. I can go home after this and be unchanged.. Unlike before, I can survive by taking the alternative road (at least for a little while). No matter what, I know God is there. I know I am safe. I know I can turn around later and come back.

So, the question remains…

Will I align myself with the mission of Jesus, or with the values of this world?

What will be my motive deep within my core?

Do I continue with God in the background or with God in the forefront?

Who’s agenda will make first place in my decision making?

My plan could still include the lives of others… It could still benefit the kingdom of God… It could still bring good… It could still be fun, still be unique, still be me…

Justification after justification makes ground, as I try to evolve the perfect plan for my own story… solely written by my own hand. Then, just like my meaningless scrolls through craigslist, I come to another dead end. WHAT AM I DOING?! Why do I insist on doing it alone?

This week in class our speaker has us right a personal continuation to Hebrews 11. I thought it was kinda silly… but still brought my effort. It was when I read it… that God’s presence hit me.

By faith Felicia … will ignite freedom and acceptance in the lives of women through fashion and community by the heart of God.

First words: By faith.

Last words: heart of God.

So, even in my resistance, this is what I write on paper. With key words at the beginning and end, the statement becomes complete. Without them, the statement is defective. It doesn’t make sense. And without God, I am incomplete. I am deficient. My plans don’t make sense.

Yet still, I struggle and strain.

The funniest part, is even in this revelation, my mind isn’t thoroughly made up. Which is confusing- cause it has been before. Then I ask myself, what went wrong?

Am I in the wrong? Or am I just in the daily decision to take up my cross and follow Him?

Is it as easy as saying “yes?”

Or is there more?

And what will Felicia choose?

A few more of my favorite points from this week’s teaching:

  • God always acts in ways consistent with his character
  • Faith is having unshakable confidence in God (because we know Him personally)
  • Find the path for you to enter quickly into the presence of God 
  • It’s silly to think God isn’t going to use you
  • “Lord forgive me for taking credit for something you have done”
  • When you’re faithful with the little steps of faith, He gives you something a little bit bigger, and a little bigger, and the cycle continues
  • Jesus redefines History and the mission of Jesus is to save the world
  • What if it’s not about God trying to get me to do something that I really don’t want to do, but rather that he is opening a door to my most fulfilling life?
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