Freed from Sadness

I didn’t ask for this to happen to me again . . . especially now. How is it that depression sneaks in when we least expect it? When we’ve done everything in our control to prevent it?

One thought quickly leads to action, that action developed into a mindset; and suddenly I fear my mindset once again turning into a lifestyle. What if this tradition of returning to fear and shame become a habit I cannot escape?

Depression and anxiety can be situationally triggered, other times they come without warning. As many things in this life are, they wipe us our when we stop looking . . . when we believe they won’t come back. For me, it’s been the triggers that have come unexpectedly. I wouldn’t have guessed that the struggles I experienced 3 years ago, nor the people who were part of them, would come back on the haunt . . . but they have.

“Felicia, don’t you already know how this all ends? Haven’t we been through this before? Why go back? Why allow yourself to be back at this place?”

So quickly I become a captive within myself. A prisoner to a self-doubt battle that I alone cannot win. I worry that what I’m doing isn’t going to work and what I’m chasing after isn’t real. Meanwhile I miss out on the work being done now, overlooking the realness of today. I get overwhelmed by all my future options, while losing gratefulness for my present blessings. Noticing this ignorance can quickly cause me to experience sadness . . .  once again.

As a kid, people in my family had high concerns regarding my emotional health. Several family members recommended I saw a doctor or tried taking ‘happy supplements.’ And to be completely honest, they still do at times. Overall I am a very happy person. I have tons of fun and spend most of my days laughing. Even in high school, when I was an “angry teenager,” I rarely had trouble making friends, cracking jokes, and smiling at people walking by. But still, I have days — as demonstrated two days ago — that I lose ALL hope.

As depression overtakes my being, a cloud of darkness hovers over my body, and the feeling of drowning begins again.

“None of this matters”

“There is no such thing as progress”

“You’ve only been wondering in circles”

“It’s not worth it”

“You’re not worth it”

“You already screwed up once, might as well continue down the path you’ve chosen”

And it’s these thoughts that MUST be stopped. They are the words of hate and defeat — the words that can control and kill us if we allow. They are a demonstration of Satan.

I cannot fight this battle alone, let alone win it.

Romans 8:37 says…

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loves us.
I’m not trying to throw bible verses at you, or say Christianity is the only thing that will free you from depression, anxiety, or sadness. But for me, it has been in Christ alone that I have found an ever-lasting freedom from this all . . . and more (over and over again).
It’s not a religion, special church, or good deeds that will get you there. Running away or hating these things doesn’t help either. What saves us in the midst of any struggle is simply calling on God. Trusting that He is good, that He CAN and WILL rescue you.
No matter where on the faith journey you are, this is an act we must all do in every circumstance to overcome our battles. We are fighting what is bad, in order to experience all that is good. Whether it be financial provision, inner peace, healthier relationships, true joy, energy, ambition, self care, deep love, or compassion that you need today: God wants to help. Perhaps it’s hate towards people, clinical depression, drug addiction, an eating disorder, or anger that you just want to overcome already: there is freedom.
It isn’t a one and done, and there is no promise your same struggles won’t come back . . . because mine have. But in all circumstances, we have a choice. To accept that we are weak, and what we need cannot always be bought or given with human hands; because what we need is a Savior. A faithful King, a good Father, a leader and Lord; we need Jesus. Or at the very least I do. For I can no longer can be ruled by the sadness that attempts to overtake my life. I refuse to take my own life due to depression, because, deep down I know that Jesus died that I will live . . . and live abundantly with Him forever.
I found my life, when I laid it down.
I was freed from depression when I called on the Lord my God.
He desires to the the Lord your God too.
Happy Easter,
Felicia

3 thoughts on “Freed from Sadness

    1. So much love for you girl. Thanks for reading and thanks for responding! Always remember – you aren’t alone, we all struggle… and God awaits us to call on Him for complete relief + restoration from our heartache and hurt. Always!!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Absolutely love this. Thank you for writing. I am also a Christian and have very similar struggles and your words from a Christian point of view are very encouraging.

    Like

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